Our Mate Phil

Dear Me. (And you)

2012-03-04T22:58:00.006+10:00

My life was turned on it's head in March/April 2008. This is true. I am trying my best to adapt to having this chance I have though.
There is a reason and plan that I was conceived to be here right now and I am very grateful to be living in a country that has a public health system, a network of support to make life easier, doctors and medicine that have the capabilities to help, a society that is compassionate towards someone like me (a round object in a square shaped world), things could be far worse and for other people they are.

I often think about someone with my illness that lived in a less fortunate situation, like rural Indonesia or South America, that person wouldn't have the same opportunity's that I have.

In the past I have done some stupid and insensitive things. And if could eradicate the stupid mistakes I have made and will no doubt continue to make, I would, but I can't.
But I can write this.

Finally my friends, family & support network. Make no mistake, for these things and your help I am truly very thankful.
(I'm not going anywhere I don't think. I just felt the need to write)

Love.

xp

'Dreamland - Memory of a Journey.'

2012-01-27T09:35:00.010+10:00

Summer is a great time of the year on the Gold Coast in as far as the ocean is concerned. February in particular.
The worlds best professional surfers descend on the Coast for the Breaka Burleigh Pro which is a lead up event for the 1st major event on the ASP calendar for the year Quicksilver Pro Gold Coast.

Amongst this are industry party's (much of the surf industry is based here.) Surf film launches, product launches.
This year will see the inaugural voyage of Bleach* Surfing the Fringe Festival which will expose you to events like music, film, theatre, food, art and fashion.
But for me clearly the highlight will be a collection of artwork from my close friend CK.

In his first ever solo exhibition Claudio Kirac presents the 'Dreamland - Memory of a Journey.'
This will also coincide with Bleach.

Information;
DREAMLAND – Feb 23rd – March 6th 2012

An Exhibition of Artworks by Claudio Kirac.

'DREAMLAND – Memory of a Journey'

Where are we without Dreams?

Stories of travel, isolation, home, love, loss, magic and dreams are narrated though the body of work that is Claudio's first ever solo exhibition. 'Dreamland' is a collection of photographic prints and miniature watercolour abstracts that inspire us to look into ourselves, yearn for far away lands and explore the literal universe, while reminding us to remember the everyday wonder that exists right before our eyes.

For over 10 years Gold Coast Artist, Claudio Kirac, has travelled the globe with his camera in hand, documenting people, spaces and places.
He has been fortunate enough to share many amazing journeys with brilliant creative minds, all in pursuit to capture 'that moment'. Claudio's travels as a professional photographer have taken him from deserts to islands, cities and beyond. He sees each journey as an adventure, a new opportunity, and remembers that every fleeting moment is valuable and unique.

'Dreamland' revolves around two key themes; the thrill of travel and the longing for home. While 'on the road' for periods at a time, and mostly without the leisure one would assume with travel or 'holidays', Claudio grasps the moments around him; wholly embracing local cultures and traditions, venturing 'off the beaten path' and stepping outside the comforts of everyday life. While befriending strangers and capturing those special moments one only encounters on 'the journey', work and play blur into one. Soon comes the challenge of missing the familiarity of home, the everyday norm, the common voices of close friends and the touch of a loved one. But it is this that makes us appreciate the everyday and helps restore our balance and soon we are home again where we can reflect on the journey and the places that became home for those moments in time. The works of 'Dreamland' express and investigate many of these notions.

Claudio works in a wide variety of mediums and has always found it difficult to pigeon hole himself to one style. Starting out in illustration at a young age and embracing painting, printmaking, music and graphics along the way, Claudio now finds himself in photography, which is now almost a full time pursuit. Although he has struggled to come to terms with being labelled a photographer, and not to mention the opinions of others, Claudio has harnessed the medium with conviction across many platforms and through his unwavering artistic vision, his photography work has attained a signature style.

'Dreamland' will officially open on Thursday 23rd February at Comb Art Space (Coolangatta) and will run from February 23rd – March 6th 2012, coinciding with the inaugural Bleach* Surfing the Fringe Festival, which is launching on the Gold Coast. The exhibition will feature a series of limited edition photographic prints, original miniature watercolours and a free limited edition newsprint paper. All works will be for sale with all proceeds going to 'Philtron' for Phil Ransley, a charity for a close friend of Claudio's who was diagnosed with a very rare illness in 2008.

'Dreamland' will be sure to inspire, ignite the flames of wanderlust and remind us to nurture the relationships we appreciate.

As mentioned above the official opening night will be on the 23rd.
Come along and get something other than saltwater into your system, as well as good times.
CK has been brave enough to give me the honour of opening the event in what is set to be a rivetingly unmissable speech.

Finally I want to thank CK publicly, I am really very honoured that he is donating funds raised from this event to the 'Philtron' event. This ensures future 'Philtron' events and of course assists with medical costs etc.

Thank you CK, I am humbled and really am taken aback by this kind gesture and know 'Dreamland' will be just another stepping stone for you.

www.memoryofajourney.tumblr.com (frequently updated, follow this for exhibition details and imagery etc)

www.claudiokirac.com (CK's official dotcom, definitely worth a look)

www.bleachfestival.com.au (pretty much self explanatory)

www.thefishinthesea.tumblr.com (CK's photo blog, definitely worth.....ah shoot they all belong in your favourites!)

CK and I.

xp

Films & Albums of 2011.

2012-01-03T20:32:00.011+10:00

There was a lot of new offerings from artists I like, but most gave me the slip for a number of reasons.

This is hard because it comes down to my own discernment, which turns out, doesn't always appeal to the thronging masses that frequent this site..
So this year I will break it down for you. (unfortunately this won't change the outcome though.)

Some standout films of 2011:

Source Code
The Kings Speech
Adjustment Beureau
the Inbetweeners Film
Moneyball
Midnight in Paris
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
*Senna

Some standout albums of 2011:

Destroyer - Kaputt

PJ Harvey - Let England Shake

Beirut - The Rip Tide

Mastodon - The Hunter

Wilco - The Whole Love

Radiohead - King of Limbs

Tv On the Radio - 9 Types of Light

Beastie Boys - Hot Sauce Committee, pt. 2

The Lonely Island - Turtle Neck and Chain

Manchester Orchestra - Simple Math

City and Colour - Little Hell (serious commendation for spelling COLOUR correctly)

Jay-Z & Kanye West - Watch the Throne

Gotye - Making mirrors

The Horrors - Skying

Beirut - The Rip Tide

Wilco - The Whole Love

M-83 - Hurry Up We're Dreaming

The Roots - Undun. (13th studio album from these Philadelphia legends)

Stephen Malkmus - Mirror Traffic

Metronomy - English Riviera

Bon Iver - Bon Iver, Bon Iver

Wish list, (Albums I never got to listen to properly, if at all this year. The result being I won't vote) :

.... And You Will Know Us by the Trail Of Dead - Tao Of The Dead

Tv On the Radio - 9 Types of Light

Beastie Boys - Hot Sauce Committee, pt. 2
The Lonely Island - Turtle Neck and Chain
Manchester Orchestra - Simple Math

Beirut - The Rip Tide

Mastodon - The Hunter
Metronomy - English Riviera

Wilco - The Whole Love

Beirut - The Rip Tide

Wilco - The Whole Love

(I have been re-discovering much musical gold in my back catalogues this year, hence the big wishlist.)

The Winners.

Film: The Kings Speech.

Album: The Horrors - Skying

(Also listened to Stephen Malkmus's - Mirror Traffic a lot, I'm always partial to Madame PJ Harvey's latest *exceptional offering too - Let England Shake and The Roots - Undun, I mean seriously impressive. Questlove is one of my favorite drummers of all time. Solid, but can faff around if needed)

*almost made my album/Film of the year. In fact....

Re-Discovered: Boards of Canada - The Campfire Headphase & Vetiver - Vetiver

You got beef with my findings??
complaints@how'saboutyougoandchewabrick.com

Marie Antoinette. Film ok, but the soundtrack! How and why, did I miss this???!!!

Coming Soon!!

2012-01-03T20:19:00.002+10:00

My critically acclaimed, much anticipated and hotly pursued 'Best of Film & Music of 2011' list is ready, but am having a few glitches loading it. Hold tight.

Trust me it's worth the wait.

Buon Anno!

2011-12-31T07:42:00.009+10:00

This has been a tumultuous year, with surreal highs and despicable lows that I thought only happen in films, bad dreams.

I would like to think I am a forgiving man and would also like to think that I give people the benefit of the doubt.

Unfortunately this year things got so bad for me in the form of psychological torment and abuse that it badly affected my health and continues to do so.

Psychological, torment and abuse are not words that are thrown around lightly. These are not only my words but words from a specialist, psychologist and general practitioner. (As well as family and friends who have known me for a long time and also know me well. Who can vouch for my character)

I will, however leave you with these words, as I gladly look at the back of 2011 and apprehensively gauge 2012.

The truth always stands the test of time.

I am sorry for the lack of activity on here. My absence has affected EVERY facet of my existence even my ability to be useful as a Father/glorified babysitter/chauffeur/cash, time & energy machine.

Primarily stress wasa MAJOR factor in me getting this hellish autoimmune illness in 2008. Needless to say further stress compounds my constant struggle to keep up.

The result is focussing on me: Diet, laughing, getting outside, change surroundings, exercise, rest, taking a step back in everything.

I am very driven and have fought to see my children as much as possible since 2001, so to step back and relinquish control was very hard.

And probably equally as hard for my immediate family to see me hit such lows and know that it was in my best interest while I questioned the pause.

This break was recommended by the above mentioned professionals for my own good/well being.

Anyway roll on 2012! A new year signifies new beginnings.

I think my troubles are big, then I just think of actual serious problems in the world this year, Japan, New Zealand, Chile etc.

Julian Assange being left ostracized by his government, While the world is ok with him being witch hunted for bringing the real, uncorrupted truth to us,(yes this really annoys me).

My point is, everyone has problems, some big, some not so big.

2012 is a fresh start!

Love phil.

2011-12-25T17:55:00.004+10:00

Buon Natale!

2011-12-25T02:34:00.003+10:00

Merry Christmas and Happy 2012, from me to you. May all the love, happiness and sincerety that we all deserve, come to you and yours this Christmas.

5/8/2010 Phil Ransley Presentation to Speech Pathologists

2011-11-01T23:15:00.001+10:00

This is a video of me doing a presentation to a class of Speech Pathologists about the benefits of Speech Therapy and living with Dysarthria (speech impairment), on 5/8/10 at the University Of Queensland in Brisbane.

I sound like I'm REALLY drunk.

But if you listen carefully you will hear that I am hilarious still.

Enjoy!

Radio Lollipop. Help Wanted!

2011-10-24T17:28:00.013+10:00

Radio Lollipop is an organisation that are based in the children's wards in some hospitals all over the world, other than provide music, arts & craft, games, etc. They also provide a welcome distraction for children, siblings and even parents whilst in hospital.

It's a very good thing that is run by volunteers and this is the chance for you to give back if you can.

The aim is to set up stall's at Robina Town Centre, Pacific-Fair, Australia Fair, Chevron Renaissance, Circle on Cavill, Harbour Town and Runaway bay. This Saturday the 29th, From 8 am till 5 pm.

Of course it's not a full day (but you can do this if you want.)

(the stall will require set up with merchandise etc in the morning, and pack up at the end of the day.)

The day will consist of blowing up balloons, making ballon animals, face painting, selling Lollipop merchandise, getting donations, blowing bubbles etc.

Interested? A few hours could really help.

Email me or hit me up on here!

(philipransley@hotmail.com)

A/D v's SXD.

2011-10-19T19:22:00.008+10:00

I beg your pardon for my tardiness.

I have had my head planted firmly up my Vegemite Valley for the last few weeks it would seem.

Here are 2 things on this weekend that aren't near Surfers Paradise or the GC500...

So if your'e a regular on here you may have heard me talk about my good friends CK and Duck.

In 2 unrelated, but kind of related events this weekend they are the featuring artists, guest speakers, go-to-guys or men on the ground to some people.

First up this Friday the 21st is the Analogue/Digital Creative Design Conference, in which CK is headlining .

I am entertaining a career in digital & creative arts. Not only because of many friends in this field, also because when I was in 11th grade at school I did work experience with family friend Cam Small who was a pioneer graphic artist (and still very much is). Using instruments like the Amiga 500, a scalpel, pencils texta's and paper ETC.

(He is also responsible for getting me into bikesports.)

Then on Saturday the 22nd it's the 'local boys done good' from Sneak And Destroy "One Off's" art show at Comb Art Space in Coolangatta.

A unique art show that has all of the gossip columns buzzing, coining it as THE mad collab of the year; SxD + Vans Shoes + artists using sneakers as the canvas.

Philip Ransley

2011-10-10T10:37:00.005+10:00

In 2007 (before I got sick), I was a good hairstylist and a clown. This was taken by my good friend CK while we were meant to be working, doing photo-shoot for VONZIPPER.

For the record we got some great photo's that went on to be used in magazines, boardshort fabric, posters, advertisements ETC.

(Below: Evidence of me being a wringout . Above: Evidence of work.)

This particular shot was taken from CK's tumble-blog that is regularly updated with frame grabs, and he also has a website that documents his pictures/ art/ design/ talents.

Take a look.

Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty, This Saturday 8.10.11 2pm & 8pm.

2011-10-02T22:32:00.009+10:00

Dear Friends,

My Family's Ballet school and the Gold Coast City Ballet Company (the last ballet company on the GC) is having their biggest performance of the year at The Arts Centre Gold Coast this Saturday October 8th, 2pm and 8pm.

I have heard the Gold Coast called a superficially fun but also 'culturally dry' city during my time and travels of being a hairstylist both here and backstage at fashion shows in Milan or London. And I know that nothing is further from the truth of this stigma we get lumped with by narrow mindedness.

We are very young as far 'established countries or citie's' go on the whole, and yes the Gold Coast is even younger compared to the rest of the world.

But for years and years we have produced people that both call this area home and grew up here, punching well above their weight in their different crafts/passions.

Photography, Music, Skating, Business, Motorsports, Fashion, Tennis, Athletics, Film, Production Arts and of course Dance.

Now I know that to harness and sharpen their craft people often leave the safety of the nest, but that's normal, in fact travelling is THE best form of learning. I encourage this.

I am straying form the subject.

My family's dance school (Ransley Studio) has produced at least 9 (I can think of now) dancers, who have gone on to do VERY well.

Next weekend will be a showcase of great choreography and a display of technical skills from some of the future that was home baked or trained right here on the Gold Coast.

We have married the timeless fairytale of Sleeping Beauty with the epic romance of Tchaikovsky's score to bring you the same culture that was first exposed to the French Royal Family hundreds of years ago in the Palace of Versailles by Russian Dancers pioneering a new art form. Classical Ballet.

This is not the 17th century, we are not French royalty nor travelling performing Russians.

But the one things that IS the same, the culture.

See you there!

Tickets

facebook

Rest In Peace Doctor Max Williams.

2011-09-30T11:43:00.003+10:00

I am filled with sadness as I feel I have to write this now.

Doctor Max Williams passed away.

He was a brilliant neurologist renowned around the world. In 2008 when I first got my 'unknown' illness that saw me embark on a voyage through 6 months of hospitals, MRI's, CAT, PET scans, ultrasounds, 4 spinal taps, hair samples, urine, stool, blood tests, x-rays, ecg's and eeg's, but after 7/8 months Dr. Williams went over all of my results with a fine tooth comb and found the key to my illness that had been overlooked by very reputable neurologists in Brisbane.

Dr. Max Williams saved my life when he diagnosed me that late Tuesday afternoon in October. I cried. I had lost my business, house, car and was struggling to keep my children. All of a sudden there was light at the end of my seemingly endless tunnel.

I will miss you Doctor Max Williams, I am deeply saddened.

They don't make them like you anymore.

Love to the family.

(I go to speech therapy once a week and have met countless patients who's situation was seemingly hopeless and Dr. Williams tirelessly and selflessly helped them.)

* (Below is a letter I get from the hospital for people like me who volunteer/work at the Gold Coast Hospital ,this was how I was informed)

Good afternoon staff,

It is with great sadness that I share with our District the passing of one of our most senior and respected colleagues - Dr Max Williams.

Max graduated from Sydney University in 1963 with the degrees of Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery (M.B.,B.S.), before obtaining Fellowship of the Royal Australasian College of Physicians in 1973. He worked in Goulburn, New South Wales, for many years before moving to the Coast in 1998 and joining our team. He worked with us in the Department of Neurology as a Specialist Neurologist, being the Director of Neurology until 2010. His tireless efforts and dedication were instrumental in establishing the Stroke Unit and developing the Neurology Service towards the standard we see today.

Those of us who were fortunate enough to know Max were able to experience is his passion and dedication to his profession and compassion towards his patients. He was greatly admired by his colleagues, patients and friends. Dr Arman Sabet, current Director of Neurology, remembered Max today in this way, "with a wonderful sense of humour, he was always approachable and went above and beyond the call of duty. He will be surely missed but never forgotten."

His passing is undoubtedly a tremendous loss to the entire Gold Coast community and his many patients. On behalf of the District, I would like to extend our sincerest condolences to his wife Lyn, their family and his many close friends.

I understand that Max's funeral is being planned for Wednesday of next week, October 5.

May he rest in peace.

With best wishes,

Home From The 57th Floor.

2011-09-28T14:12:00.008+10:00

Happy bucks party Damian, t'was subdued, but good friends who haven't collectively been together in one place for years, good food, good music, good conversation all in a fantastic place.

Just what i needed.

I love you mate, am so proud and happy to be one of your friends. It's been real.

The Cure - Lovesong

2011-09-23T01:52:00.001+10:00

Dedicated to my last post.

I remember exactly when I first heard this song in England, I was 10/11, I have loved it ever since.

It is beautiful, powerful, relevant and hey…. it gives me a reason to play it!

Enjoy.

Tumultuous Times. Days Never To Be Forgotten Though.

2011-09-22T23:31:00.013+10:00

Well here I am again! After a few weeks hiatus..

A lot has of heavy stuff has been happening in my life lately.

In the midst of the incredibly unnecessary additional stress of ugly, looming legal threats involving my children and I (absolutely totally heartbreaking).

Losing someone very special (and I had only begun to know her) to my heart (to life overseas), Farewell Bi. Godspeed.

To finding out that the love of my life has gone forever and I locked my heart away as a result of not acting on it as I should of, (this is also, I guess you could say the reason for my dismay in the last sentence too)?

And patching up an old friendship that I stupidly let grow stagnant for years.

But good is in there somewhere though!

My long lost friendship has been re-kindled and to be honest I feel like I have won the lottery, having the chance to have a very valuable friendship that was dear to me. 3 and a half years had passed since we last spoke and I'll be honest, the last 3 and a half years have been the HARDEST of my life, I really longed to have my close friend that I could cry, laugh with, sure I have close friends, who I can do this with sort of. But there was a hole in my heart that this person had left.

This friend, James and Amelia his longtime girlfriend, got married in Byron Bay last Saturday the 17th.

Here are some photo's:

Au Revoir facebook. Sort Of.

2011-09-20T13:34:00.001+10:00

I have a lot of very heavy things going on at the moment that I unfortunately can't talk about….

Anyhow, those of you that knew me before my illness will know that I was on facebook 4 years ago, but found it to be a huge time waster, while life in the real world continued on and I needed to try and stay on top of things.

Unfortunately time on facebook is something of a luxury and costs me precious time and energy that I simply can't now, and couldn't then, afford.

I realise that facebook is a great vehicle for many things, and the Phil Tron facebook was started to help with marketing by one of my friends behind the Philtron fundraising event. And it will continue to be used in that capacity, just not me running it.

I took over the Phil Tron Facebook 2years ago. And handed the controls to my friend Duck again recently.

Sorry if you are affected by this, I just have to keep a clear mind and need to focus on my health, art, writing and living etc.

Please check this blog, e-mail me (it's on here), call me or see me in person. I'm fun!

Stay Gold.

9/11

2011-09-12T01:02:00.000+10:00

Everyone knows exactly where they where and what they where doing when this happened.

The Good Sigh.

2011-08-31T11:10:00.002+10:00

All is well!

I had an appointment with a Haematologist yesterday (30.8.11), and she told me that the biopsy results showed that they were fairly sure that there was no further suspicion of Lymphoma.

However, they are dealing with something they know little about and are sure that due my glands and immune system system, constantly being active (because of the nature of my Autoimmune illness), that I'm in the window that makes me likely to get Lymphoma in the future.

This doesn't scare me. Not to sound like some bulletproof radster. It would shock me, but I considered myself a marked man back in 2008 (when I first got this illness), I'm just going to do as much damage to the pure evil behind this illness as I can, while I can.

And by damage I mean by moving forward, progress, getting on with it.

Results. Maybe? (3rd time lucky)

2011-08-30T13:05:00.006+10:00

Well today is the day.

If you have seen me or my blogging about a P.E.T. scan or a biopsy on some glands taken out of my neck over the last few weeks. (This will hopefully shed a little light.)

I will find out the results today.

I was meant to find out last week and the week before, but further testing had to be done.

The P.E.T scan showed that the glands in my neck were suspicious and enflamed. It recommended testing (along with a C.T. scan and several blood tests) for: Lymphoma, Sarcoid, Granuloma or…..

Knowing how the last one went it's just a reaction to my Autoimmune illness. If that's the case we will be left scratching our heads, while I have less glands.

Meh.. Who needs them anyway?

(I do realise things could be worse, I am making a joke to distract my mind.)

(but seriously I kind of need the glands)

Quick post today.

Go Joy Ransley - Smith! (Happy Birthday Mum.)

2011-08-26T08:13:00.003+10:00

Happy Birthday Mum!

An amazingly strong & important woman in my life has made it to other side of another year.

The world needs more of you and thank you again for being as strong as you are. Everyone may think this of their Mum but this is your day, enjoy it.

Love Phil x

Shoe Shine Guv?

2011-08-21T17:46:00.007+10:00

A day of show & shine, vintage & rare BMX , a mint Delorean, food, early 90's music, culture. How as your Sunday?

Today was a good day.

Here is a few shots of a few things that went down:

Glory Days.

2011-08-07T01:30:00.013+10:00

One of the best nights of my life was when I played live music with 2 very good friends Tim Philips and Claudio Kirac in our band Starchild. (28.4.2007)

Maybe it's me building up the hype in my mind, but it felt amazing, our 1st live appearance played to a very large crowd (so I was told) in what was the best live music venue on the GC. The Chophouse. Ok the acoustics weren't like the opera house but the decor and design were so eclectic, imagine an admirals cigar lounge complete with fireplace and oceanfront views.

Like the Playroom, (the old) Fishermans Wharf, Brisbane's Festival Hall and lot's of others, it was knocked down in the name of development.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no granola eating, tree hugger and I'm no cappo (capitalist) either, Australia is very young *in some respects*, Queensland even younger and the Gold Coast younger still.

So we are always getting made fun of for having no culture, I disagree and I think this is both pretentious, ignorant and narrow minded, we have culture, not nearly as much maybe, but we do. It just breeds away quietly and strongly, but what doesn't help the artists (of any discipline) here, is the way there is little or no support at all.

Sure cash trickle's through, but cash won't bring back these fantastic venues that may have stood in the way of the developer's $$$.

These venue's may have had a bad reputation or been on great land that a new development would far better suit. But we kill a bit of culture and lifeblood of our society everytime this happens.

Holly Woloszyn, I and the patrons that had a chance to go there thank you. I loved going to the Chophouse and especially loved playing there. One of my fondest memories before getting sick. Playing music in front of friends and my sister at such a memorable show and venue. If you happened to be there, I don't know if you could tell I was thoroughly loving it, I hope you had as much fun being there as we did!

Thanks to Mark Duckworth too, who we supported. It's an odd fact, but my old band Mustard Seed and I, supported Duck and his old band Julian Date almost exactly 10 years ago at (the old) Rose & Crown.

You may think this is irrelevant, but I can't drum or sing anything like I used to. So this is a subject VERY dear to my heart.

Usually Grandparents tell their Grandkids about their "glory day's". Well my "glory days" were 3 years ago and I'm only 34!

OK I am ranting.

Thug Glands.

2011-08-04T13:10:00.009+10:00

I have just had a couple of suspicious lymph nodes cut out of my neck. (By suspicious, I don't mean a couple of up to no good, trench coat wearing, ruffian glands, that hang out in dark, seedy bars. I mean they need to go to a lab for a biopsy to rule out Lymphoma, or Sarcoidosis.)

I am sore but well. In between bouts of sleep and grazing I have uploaded some frame grabs of my recent trip to talk to a youth group in Murwillumbah. (North N.S.W.)

Enjoy!

Action shot!

x

2011-07-29T21:28:00.000+10:00

Under the knife again. Answers?

2011-07-29T09:40:00.006+10:00

I had a PET scan on Monday (25.7.11), probably the most thorough (and radioactive) as far as nuclear medicine goes. I have had 2 in the past, either side of a biopsy performed on a suspect lymph node taken from my neck as well. Nothing too concerning was found.

A doctor from the hospital called me on Wednesday and again on Thursday (26 & 27.7.11) to tell me they are looking at lymph nodes in my neck and they want to take one out to perform a biopsy. I go under the knife this Tuesday 2.8.11.

I have just had several blood tests and been to see a Rheumatologist, that along with a PET scan has got me thinking we might have some answers?

I apologise if I haven't come to see you since I got back from Europe on the 18.7.11, but as you can see along with, being a Father, 2 days of IVIG treatment, speaking at a youth-group in Mur'bah, turning up to work at Radio Lollipop, I have been too busy.

You may have to come and see me.

If something is found, it wont be good news, but also if something is found, it may give some answers?

I am trying not to get excited, anxious and a bit scared, because nothing may come of this too. This happened last time.

I got hopeful, everyone got hopeful and to be honest it's heartbreaking when you find out nothing. This illness playing one of it's sick jokes, letting me know again that it's grip on my life is absolute still.

I really hope this doesn't happen, the terrible sinking feeling, the hopeless depression is horrible. (See, me choosing not to rely on anti-depressant medication really makes these 'ups and downs' are physically and mentally draining).

Maybe you live with this feeling everyday? I do apologise for being inconsiderate, but also because this feeling is a horrible decay.

I know it well and have learnt to beat it/live with it. But face it all over again.

Stay tuned please, this story will continue.

Office Space - Official Trailer

2011-07-28T13:18:00.002+10:00

Scanning For Answers.

2011-07-24T14:36:00.008+10:00

I am having a PET scan tomorrow (Monday 25.7.11) at the Royal Brisbane and Womens Hospital.

This will be my 3rd one. A PET scan (I am no Doctor so I will take some info off the interweb) is like an MRI of the whole body? I get an injection of a nuclear dye.

Yes it is hardcore.

This gives me some bragging rights, in a sick and twisted kind of a way, to be able to say I have had this poison injected into my body.

This does allow the scanner and the Doctors to find or rule out what they are looking for.

(From Wikipedia)

Positron emission tomography (PET) is a nuclear medicine imaging technique that produces a three-dimensional image or picture of functional processes in the body. The system detects pairs of gamma rays emitted indirectly by apositron-emitting radionuclide (tracer), which is introduced into the body on a biologically active molecule. Three-dimensional images of tracer concentration within the body are then constructed by computer analysis. In modern scanners, three dimensional imaging is often accomplished with the aid of a CT X-ray scan performed on the patient during the same session, in the same machine.

If the biologically active molecule chosen for PET is FDG, an analogue of glucose, the concentrations of tracer imaged then give tissue metabolic activity, in terms of regional glucose uptake. Although use of this tracer results in the most common type of PET scan, other tracer molecules are used in PET to image the tissue concentration of many other types of molecules of interest.

From how I perceive it, there are 2 theory's on my illness (GAD Associated Cerebella Ataxia).

1. It is a genetic autoimmune illness. Treated with IVIG (plasma), physic, speech, aqua, music, food, laughing, travel, art, shop, normal-life-therapy's. (I may have embellished).

2. A cancerous tumour is hiding somewhere in my body and causing my glands (which have been inflamed and up since April 2008) and my immune system to fight so hard that it is affecting blocking my body's normal function. If this is the case, they can then treat it.

(Again, I must stress to you, I am not a Doctor, this is not an official medical report)

Action shots of PET scans. POW!!

Learn From My Life Decisions, Some Unfortunate, And Some Good. Kids?

2011-07-22T15:31:00.005+10:00

I'm giving my testimony at a Baptist Church's youthgroup in Murwillimbah, North N.S.W. Tonight.

I have spoken at Queensland University, about the benefits of speech therapy for my Dysarthria.

I have also spoken at an event called Crossroads 3-4 times. (An event for physically and mentally disabled, lunch & entertainment, etc.) About adversity.

I get to do something different tonight, and sort of tell the story of my amazing 34 years (and 31 before my illness.) I can say amazing because even I forget some of the things I squeezed out of my young life, until I actually read it.

So kids, I do apologise that watching me try to talk is both laborious and like watching paint dry.

But it's actually going to be really good.

And in fact, I am hilarious too.

Pavement - Cut Your Hair (1994)

2011-07-20T21:39:00.002+10:00

I am a hairstylist.

I am a drummer.

This song is not about me.

I do like Pavement a lot though. Enjoy.

Choice cuts.

2011-07-19T09:31:00.010+10:00

Every trip out the front door is cool, but this trip to Europe has just been straight up exceptional.

For a few reasons; taking my 2 children with me and exposing them to some of the things in this world that make you take a deep and quiet breath in awe. These pictures vaguely cover this.

The magic of the Eiffel tower at sunset. (no pictures on this camera though)

Castles.

Chocolate eclairs. (I wish I took photo's. I was too busy making sure no crumbs were wasted I suspect)

Eurobabes.

I fell in love with a lady/car/food at LEAST 5 times a day. (This was my own personal benefit.) (again, no photo's)

More pictures will emerge soon.

One of my highlights (besides seeing a Doctor) was visiting a hair salon I used to work at in Milan and seeing old colleagues. Very special. I feel so alive and rejuvenated. I am a very lucky/blessed man indeed.

Watch this space.

Italy.

2011-07-02T20:47:00.006+10:00

I find myself in Italy once again. I am a stranger to most people here. Removed from the comfort of my normality. Being challenged and challenging myself in all aspects. Here, I am a different man.

I walk further. (Remember it's summer here).

I roll my 'R's and exercise parts of my speech and brain in a way I would never normally. Further, I am surrounded by surreal beauty. Women, food, wine, music, cars, motorbikes, boats, fashion & design, both lifestyle & industrial, Charles Bukowski books, local library membership, attention to detail, classical ballet, dramatic scenery, birds of the sky, fragrant wildflowers, lakes, giant mountains spilling into lakes, green fields, cobblestone streets, bidet's, the chiming of church bells on sunday, or the local bell tower reminding me that there is time to be kept, the smell in the air during siesta and at dusk. I could go on, but you get the idea.

Primarily I am here to see a doctor. I saw him in 2009 after the 1st Philtron fundraising event. I don't expect breakthrough's, but at least he can see the beneficial effects that years of plasma treatment, speech, hydro and physiotherapy, progress have made, and if we are walking the right path.

I am also here just for a holiday. Change of scenery. Playing tour guide. After Italy we go to Paris, London and southern England, where lived from1987-1991/92.

Here are some pictures I have taken so far……

(some updates on facebook too; Philtron. I have a twitter too but I'm not that tech yet..)

Salutations And Happy Birthday Stuart!

2011-06-20T13:01:00.008+10:00

My cousin Stuart has long been more than a cousin for my family and I over the years.

Stuart your age escapes me (certainly not old), your birthday trips are always amazing and I'm sure that this year is no exception.

I still hold the record for the all time idiot act though: Rome. 2002. 3am. Trying to find my way home, which was 20 metres around the corner. Find a taxi rank. Get into a taxi. "Take me to the hotel near the old bridge". 80 Euros. Early morning tour of Rome that ended up finishing where it began.

Me earlier that night. I am THAT guy at the party.

Stuart, 2006 S.P.O.T. Birthday trip. Being a clown runs in the family.

This Tree Starts To Bear Fruit.

2011-06-11T21:55:00.022+10:00

Me at the Philtron event 9.4.09

I find myself in a strange place…

This blog was started for me by a friend and former client of mine Tony Hall for everyone to keep up to date on my apparent disappearance deep within the far reaches of the Health System. Kind of like an on-line diary.

He and his wife Angela, would make food for me and bring it when they would come to visit me when I first got sick in April 2008 and I was flat on my back in hospital. Everyone and everything in my world got turned upside down when I didn't get better.

Just between you and I;

I was REALLY wanting this all to end so I could get back on my ship and quickly re-gather life before it seemingly left me behind. And in many respects, in my opinion, it has.

You may think that it's a selfish depressing way to think, all I can say is check my outlook on this blog a year or 2 ago. That's OK to think this, if your not in my shoes, you can be forgiven for thinking this, I am struggling BUT adapting and I would be flat out lying both to you and me, if I said I didn't miss my life before:

Very good Hairstylist, had a great salon with a good name, worked backstage at Milan fashion week many times for designers like DSQAURED2, Emilio Pucci, Giorgio Armani etc. Also London graduate fashion week, several photo shoots with renowned photographers/artists and shows, involved/interested in the arts both here and overseas, had my own apartment that I owned over the road from my business no more than 3-400 meters to the beach where my 2 children and I would use this as our backyard, I would surf, go to at night etc. played drums very well, skateboarded, rode motocross, rode bikes, had a nice sports car that I used to race on sprint days at the track, had a great social circle etc. etc. etc.

My life now; talk about the things I used to do, watch the things I used to do and listen to the things I used to do, social circles now are some friends from before, some have fallen away, I volunteer on the children's ward at the hospital, at a place called Radio Lollipop, find myself up in the hospital 3-4 times a week for speech therapy, Radio Lollipop, Intra-Veinous-Immuno-Globulin treatment (IVIG), Doctors appointments, x-rays, CT scans, PET scans, blood tests & MRI scans.

I have chosen not to take anti-depressants. This may sound stupid to the naive. But it's my way of fighting back at this filthy illness (GAD Associated Cerebellar Ataxia) that robbed me of SO much. I choose not to just accept my depression and cover it with a chemical band aid. Doctors and the evil that is behind this expect me to fold and just let this illness claim another aspect of my life. i'm not saying they're bad. They're just not for me.

One of my biggest frustrations was knowing and watching all that I had made of my life, unfold, turn upside down and backwards, before my eyes while I was stuck in hospital, unable to do anything about it.

I did squeeze A LOT into my 31 years before my illness took me down, but I was happy, I couldn't help thinking I didn't deserve this, I was making the most of my time, I wasn't ready to stop making my mark in life. This shows me that there is a pre-determined plan for my life and I don't get a say.

Proof that we are only passengers, in this lifetime. We think we are in control, but we aren't.

I know, I know, things could be MUCH worse and believe me I'm thankful for what has been salvaged and taken back. Bear with me though please, it's me dealing with my illness (physical and mental) quite publicly.

3 years later with a VERY rare autoimmune illness and things have really changed.

Deteriorating & damaged Cerebellum/ balance/ co-ordination: Very slow and badly affected.

Driving now, cooking, living on my own, caring for my 2 children.

Speech/ breathing/ swallowing/ taste: Incoherent, badly slurred and mono-tone. Regular choking (not on any particular thing, my own saliva even). Very basic diet, also had to avoid certain food and drinks because of choking and my very under active digestive system, which is controlled by the cerebellum.
Almost 3 years of weekly speech therapy, phone calls, living trying to keep up with the world. My voice is still mono-tone, but am improving everyday, on the 5/8/10, I did a presentation to a group of Speech Pathologists at the university of Queensland about my particular speech impediment 'Dysarthria' and the benefit of Speech Pathology. (I take medication daily to help with my digestive system and processing food, or I get chronic reflux.) (I did get the presentation filmed and I will put it up on the internet soon.)

Double vision, 'Diplopia' (again co-ordination.)

Perfect A1 eyesight just not working together. At first this was

compromised with an eye patch covering one eye. It looked fun but made life very hard, I relied heavily on 50% eyesight so I was referred to an ophthalmologist and was prescribed 'prism' lenses.

Stamina and Energy;

I still am always fatigued and as a result tired, grumpy, feeling like I am towing a bag of bricks around with me, frustrated and depressed. I get puffed just changing sitting positions.

I try look past this and push through, going walking and swimming at the beach, sometimes joining friends on an old bodyboard, also going to a nearby pool and doing laps, sometimes 5, sometimes 25, rewarded by 12 hour in the warm hydro therapy pool and yummy, quasi healthy, food. I have also recently been seeing a very good Physiotherapist.

Orthotics

I am wearing custom made 'orthotics' (like inner soles that go into shoes), to aid my walking and Gait. I have only just got these and was told to go and get some good kicks, so thank you to Rob and Duck from Sneak and Destroy, box fresh New Balance's …..Hey?! I was told to!!!

WOOOOOO!!

Cousin Stuart and myself at a friend's wedding 2.4.11

Interpol - Obstacle 1 [Official Video]

2011-05-23T15:13:00.004+10:00

Close your eyes while.. OK don't close your eyes, imagine this scene though….

It was 2003 and I was working and living in Milan. I worked very hard in one of the worlds best hair salons, for one of the worlds best hairstylists from 9am - 6pm or 10am - 10pm, 6 days a week. Living in a poor part of the city that was high in crime, but cheap by the city's standards and primarily only a 10 minute Metro ride from work. Our neighbours were Albanian's, Russian's & Eastern block European's, Peruvian's, Algerian's, Nigerian's, lot's of illegal immigrant's, Italian's, Gypsy's, Eurocommunist's, Transvestite's, Prostitute's and Transvestite Prostitute's etc. It was a colourful neighbourhood and I loved it. I may not have certified academic smarts but I do have street smarts and that skill has helped me a lot over the years but particularly living here.

My flatmate Ranjit, was a college student from Chicago U.S.A. And towards the end of our lease we had another flatmate called Sebastiano whom we called Sea-Bass.

Our apartment was small and old but served it's purpose none the less. My room had a bed, window, chequered tiled floors, closet and four walls, I had photo's of my children Ben and Amelia stuck on the wall's, a skateboard which I used not only for fun and sanity but for transport too.

I also had a brand new surfboard to surf some waves I'd heard about scattered off the beaten path. I had ridden it once at Duranbah Beach in punchy 5 foot waves a day before I left home, that would serve as great feelings and escapism for me whilst I was dreaming or thinking. (I went to Milan via New York City at the end of a heavy Wintry blizzard where I spent a few weeks. I got some weird and quizzical comments/looks there with my boardbag. Locals thought I was kidding about there being great waves to surf at Long Island, which I wanted to sample but didn't. On the 1st day in NYC NASA's space shuttle 'Columbia' disintegrated upon re-entry to earth putting the U.S. national state of alert to 3 (DEFCON 3). On my last day Donald Rumsfeld & Colin Powell were putting the U.S.'s reason for invasion forward to the U.N. Whilst men with machine guns lock down entire sections of the city. U.S. national state of alert is at 4. DEFCON 5 is the highest. HEAVY!)

Sometimes I would run my hand over part of the board and smell or taste that day at Duranbah, my room was filled with the smell of the boards wax. I loved it, a little something from home.

And for a stereo I had a portable Diskman (so nineties'), with big earphones facing out, it was surprisingly loud.

Crude living some might say but it was all I needed.

No TV (bliss), I would just buy the newspaper 'Il Giorno' or occasionally buy England's day old imported 'Guardian' paper. Iraq had just been invaded for the 2nd time and everything was intense. No news was good news.

Just adapting to life in Milan and reminding myself why I was doing it was more than enough for me.

So one weekend Sea-Bass went to his home in rural Italy, (this is very common in Milan) and he said to me to borrow his TV, so I did. I saw things like "Home and Away", old "Neighbour's", "Seinfeld" and "Inspector Rex" all dubbed in Italian, it was great for a laugh, but the thing I particularly liked was Italian MTV, I really don't like much commercial top 40 music but some of the programs and music video's really made it good to watch.

Getting to my point, I fell asleep with MTV on and woke to this song and film clip in the lte hours of the night/morning, I couldn't get enough of it. I heard it once or twice more after that over the next 6 months and I would freeze and try to find out who this amazing new musical offering was.

"Interpol, Turn On The Bright Lights".

First album I bought when I got home later that year, needless to say I was an immediate loyal fan. I love how music is a vehicle that can trigger memory's. Powerful.

Enjoy, or don't.

The White Cliffs Of Dover - Vera Lynn

2011-05-10T07:36:00.000+10:00

Had a formal send off for my 98 year old Grandfather today. It was hard but I love how in testing times of adversity that amazing and exceptional things rise up and happen.

Family and friends from all over the world that haven't been together years.

A very hard week made beautiful by spending time with friends and family not seen enough.

Bon Voyage Allan Charles Thomas Ransley 25.6.1912-4.5.2011

Grandad

2011-05-04T21:14:00.002+10:00

RIP

Allan Charles Thomas Ransley

24.6.1912 - 4.5.2011

"Pulp Room". Darren Antonio

2011-05-02T15:50:00.013+10:00

My brother from another mother Darren Antonio just produced an album, Pulp Room. I started a band with Darren back in the day (1996) called Mustard Seed. The pursuit of personal faith, creating music, surfing, skating, art, travel, perfecting wheelwork and burnouts, theatre/cinema, food, second hand fashions were some of the things held in very high regard by us.

I had a special bond with him, a bond that was consolidated through our musical talents. So much so that after Mustard Seed's abrupt end, I sold my drums and thought I would no longer have need for them. Until I was re-united with my 2nd 'practise drum kit' years later, and I hooked with my 2nd music project 'starchild'. (another tale)

Anyway Darren has really stepped up with this release.

Every artist hates being pigeon holed and I'm sorry Darren but I'm your friend and I'm going to do it too. I interpret traces of Elliot Smith (especially Broadbeach Night, track 2), guitar and organ sounds that are so warm you could hug them, coupled with solo's that clearly tip the hat to Darren's time playing Creedence Clearwater covers. And thanks to the unmistakeable soundscape painted by clever use of the rhodes organ throughout the album but especially in Point Cartwight, track 10. In a world where auto tune and over produced-multi-layering-vocal effects are running rife, Antonio sticks to his indie/alternative roots, its not all raw voice, there are vocal effects surprises in stall.

I have followed progress of this album over time, Darren (his wife and kids will back me up) has a basement in Calgary that is a studio/rumpus room.

Darren has spent his spare money over the years on Star Wars and Cinema paraphernalia, drums, multi-track recording machines, reel-to-reel machine, rhodes organs, DAT recorders, microphones etc.

The result is Darren playing and recording most of this himself with the help of some other musicians and studio's.

Pulp Room fills me with pride when I hear it, because I know this project has been a labour of love, it's clever and my good friend produced it.

"Pulp Room"!

Hooray For Warm Feelings! (hug someone, spread the love)

2011-04-22T08:50:00.014+10:00

This image, wether I picture it in my mind or see it, takes me to a different place and stirs so many emotions.

I think of how nice it would be laying in the field under the tree while the setting sun warms me, how quiet and peaceful it is, the clear starry nights, some of the best times of my life, I think of romance & beautiful things.

I feel very happy and sad, I feel drawn to it, I feel the warm water of the Pacific Ocean on my skin, the feelings I would get in my heart from an amazing girl who lives near this place, this image makes me feel SO good!

Happy Easter egg hunts!

Shoots.

2011-04-11T23:16:00.006+10:00

I love my sister.

This photo was taken from a great family holiday to Fiji new years eve 2007/08, shortly before my life changed.

Surreal memories like teaching my children how to properly sail a Hobie-cat, watching and hearing the reactions of my children when they saw fish underwater up close for their 1st time while snorkeling, being dropped off in the middle of the ocean getting re-acquainted with some reefs I had surfed when I was 19 years old, drinking kava and being made chief of the village on an island for one night, playing drums with the band on treasure island, eating a freshly slaughtered goat curry with a local Southern Indian family in their humble abode and seeing something that my children will always remember that took place whenever the sun would set, the ceremonial lighting of the flame torches while a beat was improvised on a hollowed out log by a man in traditional costume all while a tropical sun sets. Beautiful.

(I went back recently for new years 10/11 and it, as to be expected was amazing, but I couldn't help to notice the obvious thing was something was different this time.

Me.

Don't get me wrong, I had a fantastic time but there was obviously quite a lot I couldn't do at all, or as easily and this gets to me still).

Little by Little by Radiohead from THE KING OF LIMBS

2011-04-07T10:53:00.000+10:00

Wedding, Party's & A Cabin Boy.

2011-04-04T00:09:00.012+10:00

I have just been on a non-medical trip and it was great, just what the doctor ordered in fact.

In short it was mainly for the wedding of friends Tim & Chrisanthy south of Melbourne on the Mornington Peninsula.

Via meeting up with my cousin Stuart who has lived in London for 11 years. I met him on Hamilton Island where a former colleague and friend of his Glenn Bourke from S.O.C.O.G. (Sydney Organising Committee for the Olympic Games) is the CEO of the Island and lives in the bright pink Spanish mansion that the founder of Hammo built in the mid 80's and lived in. (this 'house' has it's own built in rifle range and 1 way mirror spa/sauna. As one with a pink mansion built in the 80's does.)

I have been to Hammo 3 times in my life and it has been torrential rain, overcast every time. I believe it is beautiful.

Stuart & I were taken by friends Steph and Brooke to an exclusive new resort on the Island called Qualia. The attention to detail and use of materials to develop this resort and the brand new golf club/course are amazing.

My reasons to think I have qualified opinion?

Small business owner specialising in aesthetics, beauty, high end customer service, atmosphere and little things that add up to a lot.

Qualia and the golf club/course are unknown gems and will end up in publications like Conde Nast, Wallpaper, Robb Report etc. (A big thank you to Linda, Glenn's partner, for giving us a guided tour which included a great lunch at the new clubhouse and an encounter of Ferrari Formula 1 Pilot Fernando Alonso teeing off from the ladies tee.) (This man spends his time driving an F1 vehicle inches from the ground at speeds on average of 250kph as a profession. Maybe he is a hacker like me?)

"RED IS FASTER
Just hours after having topped 300km/h during the Australian Grand Prix, the Ferrari driver and two-time formula one world champion Fernando Alonso was revving his personal golf buggy around Qualia resort on Hamilton Island. Alonso was made to feel right at home – he was given the resort’s bright red buggy to drive, reaching the dizzying speed 25km/h."

(Sydney Morning Herald Website)

I used to live with Tim (the groom) and Stuart in London in 2003 after living and working in Milan. The deal was that I would clean, cook etc.(be a cabin boy) in exchange for use of the couch as a bed for 2 weeks. 2 months later I was still there. I did very little of my above mentioned duties.

Instead working freelance as a hairstylist and making an investment in the distribution of hair straightening/curling irons from WINDLE. (An exclusive salon based in Covent Garden.)

And being a shining cabin boy light for Tim & Stuart in what has been originally dubbed as the summer of love by us.

Funny thing is I am now known as the cabin boy in social circles and e-mail story's. My actual name is virtually obsolete, in some cases people appear disappointed that I have a name other than cabin boy.

This was a particularly beautiful wedding. Tim & 'Santh I am honoured to know you and somehow be a piece of the puzzle that fits in to the picture of your life somewhere.

Hammo local

Tim, Stuart & I, I love this

All you need

Santh holding back tears in her speech

Tim (aka Ttg), Pam & I (aka cabin boy)

Stuart & I

Picturesque X 2.

2011-04-01T16:01:00.003+10:00

Picturesque.

2011-03-31T16:45:00.004+10:00

Enjoy some old & some recent pictures that are captured from things like a cheap camera/phone, analog SLR & mediocre digital camera.

Hello My Friends.

2011-03-26T21:33:00.005+10:00

Things aside from my main time consuming duties of Fatherhood and various health appointments have been totally consuming my life but with the pending nuptials of good friends Tim & 'Santh' in Melbourne (one of whom I lived with in London after living in Milan in 2003) in what was dubbed the *'summer of love' by us.

*Absolutely no love was found, instead some solid friendships forged.

Also before this wedding my Cousin Stuart (also from the summer of love) is coming over from London via pit stop to Hamilton Island in Queensland's Whitsunday Islands on the Great Barrier Reef.

Oh I forgot to mention his friend runs 'Hammo' and Stuart is paying my airfare!

I started this story with a few points to share to catch you up:

The Japanese Earthquake and Tsunami. I honestly don't know what to say....

2 weeks ago I had pulled over to the side of the road to answer a call when 2 boys age 13 &10 ran into the back of my car, breaking a section of the rear bumper, on an unregistered motor scooter wearing just bicycle helmets! Luckily no-one was badly hurt.

So I went to the underage drivers house to get some details and speak to his parents. Surprise surprise no-one was home.

I have since spoken to the boys Mum without much luck.

It is now in the hands of my insurance company. obviously I won't pay any excess, but this will affect my future claims. So angry. But when I compare this to what has happened elsewhere in the world lately. I can only laugh. This is proving to be an insurance nightmare.

Further to this I have been the victim of a hit and run on the front corner of my car. My nice new car is a giant brake pad it seems.

Great things.

2011-03-24T21:27:00.003+10:00

POSTS COMING!

I have had some major problems with my MacBookPro since I got less than 2 years ago.

Apple gave me a brand new machine today!!!

I feel like I should be waiting for hitmen to turn up on my door to recover it as they laugh whilst kneecapping me. David beat Goliath this time. Now run!

Just quickly. I worked at Gold Coast Hospital as a volunteer for Radio Lollipop on the kids ward for the first time this week. It felt so wonderful to provide some welcome distraction in the form of butterfly paintings, sticking things, ping-pong, foosball, music etc. Music like MC-Hammer, Ray Parker jr. (gohstbusters), Vanilla Ice, and that impressed, just wait until I get started on Yo Gabba Gabba and Weird Al Yankovic!

An indescribable feeling of self worth thank you!

Tomorrow (25.3.11) I will have the honour of speaking at crossroads. An event put on by Newlife Uniting Church for folks with disabilities. This is the 4th time I have been asked to encourage, share with.

Come along if use of the G-bomb doesn't offend you! I will be dropping it left right & center.

I don't know what it is about this week? Maybe it's the fact that the Formula 1 season is starting, weeks like this are proof to me that I can manage the ever present depression that can make the warmest, sunniest day cloudy and gloomy in my world if I let it..

Pay It Forward.

2011-03-07T22:05:00.002+10:00

Today after a day of induction, orientation and lectures from various heads of respective Queensland health departments I am officially a Queensland health volunteer working for Radio Lollipop!

I am honored.

A few years ago when I had my salon (Base) a very talented girl by the name of George worked as a receptionist for us also worked at Radio Lollipop. Anyway I thought 'how meaningful' and 'real' something like that would be compared to the often superficial scene of fashion and the hairdressing industry etc.
But my life of being an independent business owner and father took up all my time. So all I could do was admire George for doing her volunteer work and hope that one day I could give something back. Well here I am!

http://www.radiolollipop.com/expand.asp?NewsID=550&t=tblNews

Truth Will Stand The Test Of Time.

2011-03-03T14:43:00.004+10:00

Candles lit. lights out. Music on. Here I am!

I could make some exotic excuse up for my lack of being on here but the truth is I have been without my own computer for almost 2 months now. In fact I write this from a borrowed computer. Not only does this mean no blog updates, but not even Internet..

So I find myself filling in my usual writing time with other things.

I have been thinking a lot about a lot. I am a deep thinker. When I started writing on here in mid-late 2008 I had checked myself out of my 6 months worth of regular long stays in hospital. And my sudden fall from being a young, independent, fit, healthy, father, musician, business man/international man of mystery, had well seasoned Doctors perplexed.

Now, almost 3 years have gone by (WOW), and a LOT has happened.

Ourmatephil.com has come a long way, but it misses a lot. I find myself trying to keep up with life so much that I have to remind myself to share on here too.

There is a big part of my life that I can't/won't expose that is (metaphorically) like a painful wound that I have carried for a long time that is opened up regularly no matter how flexible and resilient I try to front up to be. This part of my life dwarfs the mountains I have climbed in the last 3 years. It’s disgusting actually. Anyways....

(This is one reason why ourmatephil.com was started. A window into my life. A diary. A soundboard.)

As you will see I use this as to portray the good and bad things in my life. As in my life, I will say things as they are, it’s just how I am and how I write. I am actually exercising restraint now, I can be far more transparent but that will have negative repercussions.

Hopefully your eyes glaze over with the thousand yard stare sometimes trying to imagine situations I will tell you about. You will see more use of photo’s and multimedia to help explain what is going on now, years/months/weeks and days ago.

Love!

The Fish In The Sea.

2011-03-03T14:35:00.003+10:00

This is a site that should challenge you, inspire you, take you and your mind away from your surroundings, issue simple enjoyment of things we might usually not enjoy.

www.thefishinthesea.tumblr.com

Fixie GC.

2011-02-19T13:21:00.005+10:00

SUMMER OF FIXTY-9 – TONIGHT!

February 19, 2011, 8:51 am
Filed under: Art, Cool stuff, Events

Pen, Paper, Backpack, Lights, Helmets and a road legal bike

bike sports!

Start point

FixieGC have organized a get together (Alleycat) for tonight. Come see what it's all about and get some bike culture.

(I took this off www.fixiegc.com I hope you don't mind Bennet).

Proof Of Life.

2011-02-11T22:34:00.004+10:00

Life has been very hectic lately, some good some bad, so my tremendous apologies for the apparent abandonment. There is a LOT that has happened since I last posted properly, bear with me please as I take a step back to move forward.
The state I live in (Queensland) has had some crazy natural events that were too shocking too see and hear about to not feel motivated to do something. First we had bad flooding. This was highly documented by the press so we were well informed but like I said it was difficult to witness and not feel prompted to do something. So I said to my kids it was a great time to clean out the garage to donate clothes, toys, household goods etc. I believe that the left hand should do something without the right hand knowing. Ironic you might say because I'm blogging about it, my reason is the ABSOLUTE gold uncovered.
Then a category 5 cyclone hit far North Queensland. Again with the news that our friends in the north were being told to bunker down and get ready for what mother nature would bring.

Treasure:
1 x white suede, gum sole, Jason Lee signature Airwalk skateshoes. (If you're unaware of just how tough, comfortable, good these shoes are see video). (They dramatically increase ones steez to the point that you completely rip and play a good game of tennis while smartley dressed too)
1 x Sir Jack Brabham signed cap. (Formula 1 legend)
2 x suits, pale green safari suit. (Would of been highly fashionable and been a ladykiller back in the day). The other is a tailor made suit I had made in Hoi An on a trip to Vietnam in 2002.
2 x crash helmets, gold glitter & retro, X-wing fighter style, with powder blue pull-down-visor. (Not used for safety. Usually used to accessorise the safari suit).
1 x band t-shirt from my first band Mustard Seed.
1 x pair of 'independent truck company' jeans. (These were the denim equivalent of the shoes. I scored these before the 'inde' brand went viral to the point of me puking in my mouth a little and could be found everywhere.
1 x Robodog. (I draw great joy from seeing Pablo barking and nipping at it)
1 x high school year book & end of school book.
1 x shielded plaque to commemorate participation in military cadets also the annual passing out parade.
1 x room clearingly bright and loud (probably very expensive) Fosace (Versace) dress shirt.
1 x novelty ice cream nove tie. (Can't bring myself to throw it out because I reckon I'll need it. Same thing applies for the Fosace shirt).
+ several art pieces.

Also in my haste to clear things out I gave our X-Box 360 controllers and games out! All up about $500.00 worth of gear. Which is great for who will receive these things but we use the X-Box as our dvd player among other things and it's useless without the controls. I am VERY unpopular with my children and am consequently mad at myself for my stupid mistake. (Sad frowning smiley face)

Samesy's Day 2.

2011-02-10T12:53:00.005+10:00

Meet Rodney Beilby.

All day we have been like the bad kids in school that sit at the back of the classroom laughing and talking. We share so many symptoms, hurdles, laughs and now drugs....
(the medical kind)

Samesy's!

2011-02-09T15:24:00.003+10:00

I am in H.O.D.U. today on day one of two of my monthly intragram treatment. I'm sitting here minding my own business like a kid with his hands in his pockets just kicking an empty coke can along the street.
When I hear a man talking about his illness which sounds VERY similar to mine, then I hear him saying how he has intragram for 6 hours over two days, monthly,once again my attention focus's on him. He gets up to go to the bathroom, he is very unstable, needs help walking, looks.....drunk. Again very similar.
Turns out we have the very same illness.
His name is Rodney.
I am elated to meet someone else with my illness. We have different symptoms but essentially it is the same. We both had Dr. Max Williams looking after us and we both agreed he is a VERY clever man.

The nursing staff knew about us and wanted to introduce us but couldn't. (Privacy reasons)
There are apparently 15 known cases of GAD antibodies in the world. Rodney has finished his treatment for the day and has gone, but he is back tomorrow as am I.
I have many questions to ask and am very much looking forward to it.

Stand by for day 2.

The end of the beginning?

2011-01-21T00:06:00.009+10:00

My once 'little' girl is turning 13.

Officially leaving childhood and entering her teens, according to the numbers.

I remember when she was born so clearly. I was 21, married, beginning the 3rd year of my apprenticeship as a hairdresser. (You could earn more cash-money flipping burgers at McDonalds)

I was really shocked/scared I was going to be a father when I first found out. Not because I didn't like children, or my then girlfriend but because my Dad (R.I.P.) wasn't a great example to me. I had no concept of raising a child, nor faith in myself about being responsible enough.

The band I had started with good mate Darren Antonio at that time (Mustard Seed) was doing really well we had a chance to be the supporting act for another band and tour across the U.S.A. as well as record etc.

Just weeks before we were meant to go, Darren & I decided we wouldn't leave yet, under the management we had at the time. (Complicated)

I had sold everything I owned. Even my king size water bed that left just enough room for me to awkwardly open my bedroom door.

This bed was like a Mercedes, it was climate controlled and completely next level as far as comfort went.

I had officially given notice to resign from my apprenticeship. And I had pleaded to my girlfriend to be patient while I sorted my life out.

And at the final hour things changed...

I was catching public transport, skating and biking everywhere. I luckily, was able to keep my position at work and managed to convince my girlfriend (Pauline) that I hadn't yet sorted out my life, but was sure I didn't like the position this whole ordeal had put us in. (And am still yet to find a 19/20 year old man that has his life sorted)?..

Then BOOM! (Turned out to be the good kind of BOOM)!

I was going to be a father.

There is a lot of history in the last 13 years I can reflect on.

And of course this story is half baked, condensed and vague but really, when I try to think of words to describe the last 13 years, I have so many, I can't, without getting emotional.

Of course the biggest thing I can think of is my being sick now, so:

Thank you and I'm sorry.

(Not fishing for your attention. Told you I'd get emo.)

I love you Amelia. Happy birthday beautiful girl.

21.1.97

x Dad.

King Floods.

2011-01-11T14:23:00.009+10:00

I live on the Gold Coast in South-East Queensland.

I have friends and family all over S-E Queensland and My thoughts and Prayers are with you.

A few years ago when I had my hair salon it rained and flooded, the storm water drains couldn't cope so they overflowed.

I had some empty sandbags in my garage in my anticipation of a situation like this. I lived literally over the road from my shop in my apartment and could see it getting progressively worse.

The store was about 300 meters from the beach so we utilized the beach this day by filling the sandbags.

Damian & I (The owners) were 1st on the scene putting towels down, sweeping, calling clients for the day & staff etc.

A few hours later there was nothing left for us to do. We had diverted our phones to our mobiles and we had a print out of our schedules for the next few days so we could make/cancel appointments.

We did as you do in a situation like this and played pool at the pub.

Unfortunately the situation now isn't so easy.

What was described as an inland wave swept through Toowoomba and parts of the Darling Downs, I have dear friends dotted all around here, the lead singer from my 1st band 'Mustard Seed' is from a little town outside of Toowoomba called Pittsworth.

My prayers are with your family Darren, in fact they are focused on this whole area right now.

I did grades 11 & 12 at The Scots P.G.C. College in Warwick which is next to the Condamine River also on the Darling Downs.

As I write this the vice is getting tighter, we (in the S-E) are bracing as king tides are expected.

Help out if you can!

Donate here : http://www.qld.gov.au/floods/

I Need Your Blood.

2011-01-10T15:00:00.002+10:00

Intragram day 1.

9 am arrive to H.O.D.U. (Hematology. Oncology. Day. Unit) at Gold Coast Hospital. Take my seat for the day (I am here until 5 pm), I have 78 grams (1300ml or 1.3 liters) a day, 2 days once a month.

Intragram (IVIg) is made from the plasma which is in our blood. 1 bottle (200 ml) takes approximately 8 blood donors so donate now please!!!

IVIg is worth more than twice the price of gold on a gram for gram basis!

It takes 2-12 weeks to become effective in the body.

In my case the effects aren't immediate but it does help in my everyday living.

You see when I first was diagnosed (october 2008) & had IVIg treatment in November/ December 08 I had a lot of concentrated therapy's like speech, physio and occupational as well as a psychologist and the treatment made all of my therapy effective.

Now a couple of years on and the therapy is much more relaxed.

My therapy is life, doing the best therapy of all, being a father to my children, driving, living independently, swimming, walking, cooking, cracking bad jokes that I laugh at etc.

Intragram is undeniably helping me kick goals in life and is traded for blood donations.

It is granted by the Red Cross.

On behalf of everything and everyone that has watched me slowly take my life back, but most of all from me, thank you to the Red Cross and Dr. Max Williams. Really.

YOU NEED TO DONATE PLEASE!

R.I.P. Andrew Diffey

2011-01-03T11:15:00.000+10:00

Rest In Peace Andrew Diffey.

Condolences to the family and loved ones.

The funeral is Friday 7 January, 11 am, at the Karinya Room of John Banc & Son Funeral Home, Wagga Wagga. N.S.W.

Sending love from all the Broadbeach crew.

Films And Albums of 2010.

2011-01-03T10:01:00.005+10:00

Not everyone will agree with me, that is why we where all given the ability to choose. Here are my choices*...

*I have seen & heard these choices I have made and there is a lot I don't have for a few reasons. I don't hate on an album I haven't heard repeatedly, or rushed out to get, I'm not Rolling Stone Magazine, I have not bought too many new albums this year..

(To be honest I have found this year a disappointing musically)... (Said hiding from your boo's, rotten vegetables & offal etc).

I have been, instead back-cataloging my own music collection.

But I have however, rushed out to see some films this year.

For example the latest musical offering from Kanye West, whilst what I have heard is musically good, there is a lot of offensive content, (some people will agree. I have a soon-to-be 13 year old daughter) so I wont be rushing to the record store. (Sorry Mr. West, even though I'm sure it's your best yet, this little homslice isn't following the herd. My days of 2 Live Crew are fading).

Films:

The Other Guys

- I laughed out loud, I love it when a film does that. Mark Wahlberg has come a looong way from "The Basketball Diarie's" (he & Leonardo Di Caprio in a confronting film about drugs, addiction & being naughty teenage boys in NYC).

The Social Network.

- Fast, understated in so many ways. Next level.

Mic Macs

- The French director of "Amelie". Quirky, funny, brilliant. I can't believe more hype wasn't made?

TRON

- So many parts clicked with the kid inside, but the whole "Zues" (Julian Assange look-a-like) nightclub scene spoiled it for me, apart from the Daft Punk cameo appearance. Next level too.

Despicable Me -

Steve Carrel 's voice. Pharrell Williams produced soundtrack = great kids/adults film.

Albums:

Gorrilaz "Plastic Beach"

- So many cameo's it's just crazy. But I find myself skipping a lot of tracks?..

LCD Soundsystem "This Is Happening"

- Listened to this so many times. A staple in the collection.

The National "High Violet"

- They have that sound and probably will never escape being likened to Interpol, but Interpol are held in very high regard by me. Brooding, seemingly effortless & technical.

Band of Horses "Infinite Arms"

- Another great offering from these musicians. Keeping the standard for some of the great bands to come from Seattle.

Daft Punk "TRON Legacy"

- I am a big fan of soundtracks, this score produced by the French Duo is intense & dynamic. Totally electro, I would like to hear the organic sound of a voice or instrument, but repeated listening finds all sorts of stringed instruments, timpani drums & brass. Hold on....

They have used an orchestra to help create a very clever soundscape.

It's one of those albums that you keep at arms length, but always have in your collection.

Some albums I don't have but think should definitely be on here are:

SIA "We Are Born"

Arcade Fire "The Suburbs"

The Roots "How I Got Over"

My Choices Are.

Album: Daft Punk "TRON Legacy" / Band Of Horses "Infinite Arms". (Leaning more the way of the Horses).

FIlm: TRON Legacy

(I would like to re-neg on last years Film and Album choices of Emeliana Torrini " Me And Armini" / "The Boy In The Striped Pajamas". Sorry don't know what I was thinking. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Film should of been: From Where The Wild Things Are.

Album: City And Colour "Bring Me Your Love").

YIPPITY-SKIP For 2011!

2010-12-31T16:34:00.006+10:00

(Family holiday Fiji in 2007/8.) (LOT'S of unbelievably great surfing too.)

So long 2010. Love watching you come, love seeing you go.

Enjoy this year, it's going to be the greatest 2011 ever!

(Fiji today. The difference now is I can't surf.. Talking to other guys and hearing about the waves is torturous. But the locals are incredibly beautiful always.)

BULA!

Full Contact Christmas mas mas mas......

2010-12-26T20:33:00.006+10:00

Firstly after the cards and gifts I hope you had a very happy Christmas, wether you spent it stranded at an airport or playing full contact badminton etc.

The PHILTRON fundraising event (our special premiere of the 'TRON' film) was great on so many levels.

Thanks to everyone involved including absent donations and ticket/punters we raised $2980. I already have an appointment to see a Neurologist in Melbourne at the end of January. and have plans to see other specialists so Thank you.

Also go and see TRON! (Disney should sponsor me)

The 'donate' button on here saw action again and reminded folks about it and that, to quote 'Duck' (PHILTRON organizer), "make's me really happy".

Thank you once again Steele, CK & Duck. (Deadset true gentlemen)

I had an important appointment with my Neurologist (Max Williams) and 2 other Neurologists on the 24.12.10. I have been trying a medication since September '10, you may remember me having a whine on here about having to have a (my 4th) lumber puncture to test my cerebral spinal fluid back then?

Well There was a chance that the drug would have a side effect of maybe permanent liver damage.

We monitored this by a simple blood test and a recent blood test confirmed liver damage, so the new medication was stopped.

I am on a spontaneous family holiday and won't be on here much but I have a few points I wanted to bring to the surface.

Have a great holiday season. Be well. Send some love out to someone or lots of people..