I have been asked to speak at an event called Crossroads tomorrow, (19.3.10), an event put together by a church called Newlife. It is an event for physically and mentally challenged people with lunch, entertainment, boardgames etc.
I am honored.
Ironically I have had a VERY difficult week and am feeling extremely deflated, yet I am meant to be doing a talk to inspire.
There are some people in crossroads whom are doing MUCH tougher than I, it really puts things into perspective.
Let it be known that I hate this word and all it stands for!;
defeatist |diˈfētist|
noun
a person who expects or is excessively ready to accept failure.
adjective
demonstrating expectation or acceptance of failure : we have a duty not to be so defeatist.
Life serves this as an option that clouds me ALL the time, I try to ignore it but it is always there, people see me and go "gosh he looks well".
Don't be fooled.
If you know me personally , I am private, sensitive and independent.
But life seems to want me to give in always, putting hurdle after hurdle in my path.
I'm like you in the respect that you just want peace, escapism, for everything to be alright even just for a day.
You may have noticed MUCH less activity on my blog.
In a nut shell I don't see the point.
A LOT of time and effort goes into it and it doesn't bear fruit. If you look there were hardly any comments which are a gauge that tells me how effective was it to pour my heart out. Donations.. They are VERY welcome, but I haven't had any in over a year. In fact the donate button wasn't even on the blog for about 4 months, (technical problems), I even procrastinated getting it back on the blog because it lays dormant probably makes people think I don't need it because the next person will donate.
I love putting effort into something worthwhile like fundraising events, for and not for me and sharing like I am tomorrow. Like I said I am the guest speaker but I am honouredand nothing will set me straight but this.
This is rewarding and I am humbled.
I am not going to stop blogging, just update it increments.
Enough wallowing.
What I'm going to say will go a little something like this;
My name is Phil Ransley I am 33 and the reason I have the honor of sharing my story is almost 2 years ago to the day I started to lose my balance and my speech.
I was running a very busy hair salon with 9 staff.
I laughed it off as I didn't have time to get sick and I never did.
Things got worse and in early April I disappeared into the health system for 6 months. I am starting over again in many ways.
In november 2008 I was finally diagnosed with G.A.D. antibodies, some of the signs are; slow, slurred speech, loss of coordination and balance also double vision among other things.
some quick things about my background;
* I have 2 children, my son 10 benjamin, (who gets called ben10) and my 12 year old daughter Amelia.
* I spent a few years serving God when I was younger from 18-25 and was playing drums in an indie- rock band called mustard seed, (playing pubs , youth events, high schools and party's, not an ineffective church circuit band playing "safe environments", not what we were about). I started playing the drums when I was 11. I cant play now and if I do it sounds like a chicken running across a hot tin roof.
* In 2003 I lived in Milan, Italy, working for a well known Italian hairstylist and in London where I worked as a hairstylist at the London Graduate Fashion Week. One reason I had gone to live in Milan was to learn their style and lay down some positive foundations with their fashion agency because for the next 4 years I would go over and work as a hairstylist backstage at Milan Ladies Fashion Week.
I had a realization like as if I was being hit in the face with a cold wet fish when I was in hospital while the doctors scratched there heads over what was wrong with me.
Everything I had built with my own 2 hands was crashing down around me and I had been having a luke warm relationship with God for about 10 years, I could see how the experiences I was having resulted in me getting upset and hating my life and the way it was heading.
One thing I have learned is that Gods way isn't the easy way, The straight and narrow path is hard but rewarding.
It's ok though, I went to tough school.
I am a follower of Christ, my belief makes me strong.
I was under attack, meant to give up, think that living is too hard. I still have moments of doubt and I know I'm not alone.
So I knew what I was meant to do with my life, and that is why I am here talking to you.
If any of this story has gotten to a part of you, sometimes life gets you down then don't entertain it, get on with it.
The truth is, even though it may not ever seem like it, it could be a lot worse, there is always going to be someone else worse off than us.
I thought my direction in life was set, I am now living life totally differently to how I imagined.
Someone asked me a little while ago if I would be happy if my life was still continuing along as was 2 years ago and my relationship with God was still luke warm, the answer is no. While I don't like these circumstances I'm in they could be so much worse but I'm sharing my story with you, I feel useful and I feel like I'm being used as a fine instrument, being effective and seeing the rewards.
If you can dig then leave me a comment.
